So I have blogged a lot about parts of my past and advice to help out in those situations. This post is going to be about my past and why I want to help others.
My whole life is a jumble of crazy times. At 6 years old my parents divorced and it was not a pretty divorce. My daddy was a drug addict and my mother was a gambling and drug addict also. After they split my mother became a Vegas black jack dealer. Her life was revolved around gambling and meth. She used to take me to the casino and give me $100 to go play in the arcade while she would gamble, sometimes up to 8 hours. This was a very regular thing for us to do. Other times she would leave me home alone to cook and fend for myself. When I got a little older my mother got drunk with me, introduced me to meth, and introduced me to Oxycontin. My mother was my best friend and not my mother. I thought this was normal, even cool. After I had my children taken Oxycontin and doing meth was something that became normal to me, as my mother always wanted someone to do it with her. I really didn’t find anything wrong with it. I was super mom. I could do everything, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of my family. When I was 20 my mother started to get ill. She could no longer work. I had to take care of her and my children. At this time she was on so much pain meds that she had enough for the both of us. But after a while I need pain meds just to be normal. With out them I was so sick for days that I could get up to take care of my girls. I had my last child about 7 years after I started taking pain pills. I was so bad on them that I could not stop while I was pregnant. I was afraid of losing my child from withdrawing. I was also so afraid to go the doctor for fear of losing my children because of my addiction. At this time I was on Fentynal. (For those of you who don’t know what Fentynal is, it’s a pain medication that’s stronger than Morphin.) Luckily my child was born at a very healthy weight and did not go through withdrawals. 8 months later my children were taken from me because me and my mother overdosed. I asked for help but DHR would not help. They just told me that I could not get my children back as long as I was with my mother. Three days after they told me that, my mother committed suicide. My family blamed me for it. I didn’t know what to do. I was so used to my mother being there that I was lost. I was lucky to have a wonderful man by my side through all this. I lost everything though. We were living in a shed that you rent from Walmart. Finally I got clean, but it took me a long time to get back to normal. I told myself I was not going to do to my kids what my mom did to me. By that this time, custody of my children were given to my youngest childs grandfather. He was my ex’s dad so he didn’t let me speak to them or see them. I needed to change thing so I move to Florida with my father. I worked my ass of and got a decent job and was promoted to manage in a year. About 7 months ago I got a phone call telling me my kids were put in foster care because they were found with head lice so bad that their ears were bleeding. They were malnourished, and now they believe they were sexual abused. They were with this man for 2 and a half years. Thats a lot of time to do damage to my childrens mental state. Becaue of all that I have been through, I have become a very strong women for my children. I love them more than life itself. Now we are in the process to get them back, and should get them back in March. A lot of people who have been through what I have been through didn’t make it. I made it and I want to help others to get through their hard times. The way I feel now is incredible and I want to share that with others in hope that one day I may really help people. I want to see other people recover just like I have. So if your going through some tough times and need some help comment on any of my post and I will do my best to help and if I can’t help, maybe one of my readers can.
AdviceForLifeCentral 